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What “IF” Thinking is an “Iffy” Business
Fear says 'what if.' Faith says, 'even if.'
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Susan’s writing
Short reflections and longer pieces on inner life, relationships, and staying grounded. Below are 67 articles—the newest is in the featured card above; the rest appear under “More posts,” newest first. Tap through to read each in full.
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Worrywart
Worrying is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere. — Glenn Turner
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How to Manage Angry People
Anger Defined More Fully Anger is a secondary emotion, acting as a protective "defense mechanism" to shield or protect oneself. A situation, an event, hurtful words are spoken to you and then you react by getting good and mad, and angry. Anger is an emotion characterized by tens…
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All By Myself - Alone in Loneliness
"Deep in the heart of summer, sweet is life to me still, but my heart is a lonely hunter that hunts on a lonely hill." ─ William Sharp The heart is a Lonely Hunter; this book title is from Sharp's poem The Lonely Hunter . The poem refers to personal isolation and the love-hate r…
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Strong Emotions and Feelings Are More Powerful than Thoughts
Chunks of water from my essence slips. Setting my heartbeat into rewind. With a heart heavy, my eyes spit Rancid emotions, my teeth I grind. ─ Alozor Michael Ikechukwu At times, clients have indicated that they feel rankled by a festering emotion that is a persistent irritation …
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Why Or Why Not!
The Pain of not Knowing Why There are words that people never used, or ever explained. The experience of sudden silence, the unspoken words, the unanswered questions that haunt your mind. The “why” lives and ruminates rent free in your head sometimes day and night looking for th…
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An Imposter is a Fraud
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance. — Confucius
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Life and Love - Happy Valentines' Day
“The heart has its reasons which reason knows not” ‒ Blaise Pascal Every February 14, across the United States and in other places around the world, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint, an…
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This Wintry Time of Year
Write the vision and make it plain... — Habakkuk 2:2
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Have You Heard or Answered Your Calling in Life?
"Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to; rather, wish that what happens happen the way it happens: then you will be happy." — Enchiridion of Epictetus Ch. VIII: Any time you see or think about this article it will remind you that this is the first day of the r…
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Step on the Ground
Everything Begins with the First Step Step on your Ground "The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet." ─ Robert Oppenheimer Everything begins with the first step. Many of my clients have had foot problems or symptomatic feet. Some have sai…
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On the Tip of the Tongue
“A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.” - Benjamin Franklin Often a client will say to me, “I know it. It is just on the tip of my tongue.” The tip -of-the-tongue (TOT) phenomenon is about the sensation that I know the answer, …
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Hope Is an Underrated Superpower
“Hope is a gift you don’t have to surrender, a power you don’t have to throw away.” ̶ Rebecca Solnit. Since the pandemic people have expressed to me that they have a loss of hope. These clients have noticed that before the pandemic they experienced a felt sense of hope. Hope can…
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The Sickness unto Death
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 The real “sickness unto death,” includes angst, dread, fear, boredom, vertigo, and anxiety is at the heart of so much despair, especially since the start of the pandemic…
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It Is Not About What It Is About
“I exist as I am, that is enough.” ─ Walt Whitman Sometimes a person will come into therapy with a presenting problem as their opening reason for showing up. After a while it will be revealed that the problem is not about the original presentation but about something else and th…
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Ouch! That Hurts My Feelings
Many of my clients have worked on their hurt feelings. Wounds that feel as if they were stabbed in the heart. For some people their personal emotional disturbances have been distressing and hurting them for years. Sometimes someone will say I thought that wound was all over and …
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Going from A to Z
Growth means change and Change means risk, stepping From the known to the unknown. ̶ Author Unknown Many of my clients are in such a hurry to get there from here as they might say, “I can’t wait for this to end or be over.” Some want to leap to their final thing whatever it is. …
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The Spirit of Fear
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2Timothy 1:7 Often, I work with people who are anxious, afraid, panicky and fearful about their life. Their fears are about the unknowns and the future. Consternation about fear can cau…
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Is “It” Ever Beyond Repair?
“The defects of the mind are like the wounds of the body. Whatever care we take to heal them the scars ever remain, and there is always danger of their reopening.” ─ Francoise de la Rochefoucauld 1613-1680 Ouch! That Hurts Many of my clients have worked on their wounds, their pe…
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Intuitionism and Decision-Making Style
“The power of intuitive understanding will protect you from harm until the end of your days.” ̶ Lao Tzu Decisions are scary and difficult especially if a person is afraid to decide something for fear of making a mistake. There isn’t a guarantee about a choice someone might make.…
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Identity – Nobody
“It is clear that if a man has to become a nobody in order to survive, if he has to remain permanently invisible, he will have no identity, will never become socially integrated nor will he enjoy mental health.” − Joseba Achotegui Sometimes my clients report to me that they are …
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Hello as You Shelter in Place
“And the world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles, no matter how long, but only by a spiritual journey, a journey of one inch, very arduous and humbling and joyful, by which we arrive at the ground at our own feet, and learn to be at home.” ― Wendell Berry Here’s to Your…
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Panic or Precaution
Panic or Precaution Fear is the cheapest room in the house, I would like t see you in better living conditions. ˗ Hafiz A person sometimes might shiver with fear in the face of an unknown thing. The world might seem chaotic, disconnected and out of control because an invisible a…
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Sorry or Apology
Sorry or Apology “You are not too old and it is not too late to dive into your increasing depths where life calmly gives out its own secret.” Rainer Maria Rilke Some people say words like I ‘m sorry in many situations. Sorry seems to be a generic response just like the words h…
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Thisldo or Thatldo
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” ─ A. A. Milne Many of my clients find themselves stuck between this and that . This is about now in the present moment. That is about over there somewhere in the future. There are people who at times will just make …
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Jack and Jill
“Sweet water’s dimpling laugh from tap or spring; Holes in the ground; and voices that do sing;” ─ Rupert Brooke The Great Lover An issue for some of my clients within the heroic youth oriented American culture is the push and drive for achievement and success, even at the cost …
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What Is Real? Vs. What Is Fake?
What is happening in the world has upset many of my clients from fears of climate change, the environmental issues, the migration of peoples, and the world politic to name a few. Some feel captured in their emotions and are living is a state of mind by a paralyzing anxiety that …
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Blame, Fault, and Guilt
“You can’t blame gravity for falling in love.” ─ Albert Einstein After noticing that there is often confusion about the “blame game” by some of my clients within their interpersonal relations, I began to wonder about the differences betwixt and between blame, fault, and guilt. B…
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Hold Your Horses
“Will is to grace as the horse is to rider.” ─ Saint Augustine The horse throughout the ages has had many meanings. One significant and important association with a horse is that it can be a symbol of riding one’s instincts. A divining power can be offering up guidance and/or a …
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The Cloud on the Ground
“The fog is like a cage without a key.” ─ Daniel J. Boorstin Fog Fog is defined as a thick cloud of tiny water droplets suspended in the atmosphere at or near the earth’s surface that obscures or restricts visibility. Fog as a metaphorical comparison is a cloudiness that obscure…
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Intelligence and Smarts
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life thinking it is stupid” ─ Einstein Many clients of mine have wondered about their own intelligence and “smarts.” They have asked themselves if they are intelligent enough.…
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Flattery – a Subtle Art of Deception
“Flattery is refined deception–it is the froth of language–it is the alcohol of social intercourse–it is the prescription of the subtle–and the nectar of fools.” ─ William Scott Downey A flatterer is a person who often insincerely lavishes praise and compliments upon another per…
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Angling, Tall Tales, and Trickery
O, Sir, doubt not but that Angling is an art; is it not an art to deceive a Trout with an Fly? —Izaak Walton, The Compleat Angler (1653) Some of my clients have said that they are victimized by seemingly underhanded ways and means by those they thought were trustworthy. They wan…
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A Children’s Tale
‘When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.” ─ Native American Proverb During times of grief, loss and sadness people and children often wish they could talk to their departed loved one in the herea…
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On Your Mark, Get Set – Pace
“An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day.” ─ Henry David Thoreau On occasion, a client will talk about wanting to hurry up, get there, be done, arrive, and find it. I ask, “What is “it?” The response might be something, like “I don’t know but whatever it is I want …
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Hedgehogs and Foxes
“The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing.” Archilochus I have noticed that some of my clients are locked into only one thing, or way of being and thinking. Then there are other clients who have so many options that it is difficult to focus on one choice. …
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You talkin’ to me?
“There are, it seems, two muses: The muse of inspiration, who gives us inarticulate visions and desires, and the muse of realization, who returns again and again to say “It is yet more difficult than you thought.” ─Wendell Berry Deflection The word deflect comes from the Latin d…
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Life Is But A Dream
Some of my clients have expressed to me that their day in and day out lives seem like the title of the book Chop Wood Carry Water . They feel like they are just slowly rowing along as life happens. Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merri…
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Wait and See
“Waiting is almost an actionless action: the action of inaction, the suspension of movement, the anticipation of action rather than action itself.” ─ Diane Elam, “Waiting in the Wings,” Acts of Narrative This type of wait and see attitude may be about waiting for the door to ope…
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Truth Be Told
“Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not.” ― C. G. Jung From time to time, some of my clients have talked about wanting to know the truth. Their question is …
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The Busy Bee
“The busy bee has no time for sorrow.” ─ William Blake I have noticed that clients of mine from time to time will say something like, “I am so busy!” Then they take a huge breath as they sit down with a loud “whew!” Some people seem to value how busy they are as a sign of person…
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The Green-eyed Monster
“Envy does not allow humanity to sleep.” ─ Carl G. Jung, Psychology of the Unconscious Envy On occasion, a client has mentioned that they feel envious or jealous of someone or something else. They might say, “I saw my friend get recognized for her work and wished that I was too.…
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A Rose for You
“In the driest whitest stretch of pain’s infinite desert, I lost my sanity and found this rose” ─ Rumi Whoever gazes upon a beautiful aromatic rose that infuses the surrounding atmospheric environment with an enigmatic presence will notice it jogs your memory. It brings to mind …
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Get Around To It – Giddy-up & Get-er-Done
“My own behavior baffles me. I find myself doing what I hate, and not doing what I really want to do!” ─ Saint Paul (Romans 7:15) Procrastination On occasion, some of my clients have mentioned that they are procrastinators and would like to understand why they hold themselves ba…
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The Symptom And The Cure
“Cure sometimes, treat often, comfort always.” ─ Hippocrates Many of my clients are seeking a cure for their symptom or even a set of complex symptoms, which are not responding to traditional medical treatment. The client may have a specific complaint such as simply, “I have no …
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Selflessness vs. Selfishness In The Helper
“Sometimes you have to be selfish to be selfless.” ─ Edward Albert Many times my clients have wondered out loud in their session if they are selfish. As we start to explore their perception of what it means to be selfish vs. selfless, a personal feeling of conflict or confusion …
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The Serpentine Mind
“The serpentine mind Disentangles From the branches of confusion Uncoils its knowledge to greet the dawn And sees In the growing light.” ─ Quetzalcoatle I have noticed that some of my clients seem to be stuck living in a “Garden of Eden” type frame of mind. This kind of consciou…
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Epiphany
“I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking” ― Albert Einstein Many of my clients have experienced an epiphany during a depth psychotherapy, counseling session. An epiphany can happen at any time. It is a surprise contribution that adds insight a…
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Everybody – Somebody – Anybody – Nobody
Y our current safe boundaries were once unknown frontiers. ─unknown Many of my clients have expressed feeling like a “doormat” that anybody can step on. They complain that somebody is always making unacceptable remarks about their personal beliefs, actions, or physical character…
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Boring Is A Ho-Hum Humdrum
Life’s tedious as a twice-told tale —William Shakespeare Many of my clients have come into their session bored and have lost interest in what they are doing. Their job is tedious, unimaginative, and dreary. They look in the mirror and see themselves as bland, stodgy, and they ap…
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Detached Caring
It has been said by many that compassion is a conscious awareness and desire to relieve suffering and help others. There are some people that interfere, control, or take over another person’s life for them because they believe they know best. One of the ways to not do this is wi…
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Who Turned The Light Down? “Gaslighting”
I have had many clients that have come in to work on their self-doubt and self-perception with an inability to know themselves or how to decide anything because they have continually been discounted and put down by another person overtime. Often they don’t know what they like or…
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Founderitis
I have had a number of clients with issues about their bosses and wanted to know how to handle or work with them in a better way. They were the founders of the organization, non-profit, or a group that these clients worked for and couldn’t quite pin the difficulty. The main issu…
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Duty Demons or Off Duty
Many of my clients try to understand his or her life’s duty and obligations and want to know why they have to fulfill them. A duty is an obligation to act in a certain way or one is obliged to do it for legal, moral, or religious reasons. The word originally derives from the Lat…
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Guilt Pangs
All you can think about is yourself when you feel guilty. I have seen many of my clients suffer from guilt pangs. Some people that I have worked with have taken a journey through a long self-imposed guilt trip. Their self-reproach constantly reinforces many personal derogatory f…
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Monkey Mind
I have noticed that many of my client’s experience “monkey mind.” This mental dynamic seems to happen suddenly, or when life is boring and mundane. Some of these client’s report having dreams of a monkey, a monkey on their back, a monkey in the basement, a monkey in a tree or th…
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Magical Thinking
Magical thinking is an irrational and illogical thinking process. Magical thinking connects objective and subjective events that are not joined or attached to each other. These are associated beliefs that don’t make sense and are sometimes correlated to events that have happened…
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Neediness
In my practice, many client’s have asked about how to deal with their feelings of neediness for themselves or with other needy people. The following is adapted from an article by Lauren Zander. Neediness It comes in a variety of guises—old friends, new friends, family and collea…
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Emotions Serve Many Purposes
I have many clients that are interested to understand more about their own emotions and emotional nature. Perhaps this article below which has been adapted from a few Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) resources ( M. Lineham, C. Wescott, McKay, Wood, & Brantley) concerning emoti…
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Change Is Fearful
As every second passes change is happening. Some people do not realize that as each second passes it will never exist again and has gone into the past. In one-second change has happened. However, many of my clients feel stuck and some feel stagnant in their lives as they hold on…
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Inner World – Outer World Differences
There are differences in the experience of intuition in the physical world versus the inner world. When an intuition comes to you it is measured against the dense, substance filled, heavy weighted physical reality. When you are focused on your interiority, an intuition is weight…
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Body Intuition
Many of the ancients and current day people speak about many bodies existing within the one body. Some of these are called the dreaming body, the etheric body, the astral body, the diamond body the body double and so on. Have you ever experienced one of your other vibrational bo…
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The Intuitive Mind
The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift —Albert Einstein How often do you look to your intuition for information and guidance? Probably not so much as you rely o…
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The Skin is an Intuitive Receptor
The intuitive reactions rise to the surface of the skin or are skin deep. Aristotle’s concept is that skin is the perceptive vehicle of touch which acts in combination with the many senses. The dilemma, Aristotle explained, is that with touch, it is difficult to know if it is a …
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Sometimes Intuition Arrives Just When You Need It
There is also the quality of being able to see the influx that comes up from the inner world, to be able to pay attention to it. For example, I needed to get a copy of a book. I went to the major book stores Barnes & Noble and other stores where I live. None of the stores had th…
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Senses
Intuitive implies a directly knowing that is immediately apprehended and a subjectively felt experience which is an insight. The use of your “senses” does not refer to your “common sense” but rather to a quality that points to something intangible, invisible and significant with…
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Language of Intuition
This is a radio podcast on the show Health and Healing about the language of intuition.